Comparison Is The Thief Of Joy: Breaking Free Of The Comparison Trap

In an era where every highlight reel is just a scroll away, Theodore Roosevelt’s words, “Comparison is the thief of joy,” have never been more relevant. While drawing comparisons is a natural human inclination, its magnification through social media and living in a more connected world can significantly distract from our personal happiness and fulfilment. This article explores the detrimental cycle of comparison, how comparison is not always negative, plus actionable strategies to break free of the comparison cycle.

The Different Forms of Comparison

There aren’t too many things in life that can’t be compared in some way. There’s always someone ahead of where we want to be or something we wish we had. Comparison manifests itself in various areas of life.

Here are some of the most common places we find ourselves making comparisons:

Personal Achievements: Career and academic successes, hobbies and passions we strive to excel in, or milestones such as homeownership, parenthood and marriage.
Physical Appearance: Struggles with body image due to idealised standards of beauty.
Lifestyle and Possessions: Envy towards the material possessions or experiences of others.

Why Comparison Is the Thief Of Joy: Understanding the Impact of Comparison

Comparing our lives with the lives of others diverts our focus from our blessings, shifting our focus instead to perceived deficits. This undermines our feelings of gratitude and contentment.

Joy is deeply personal. It’s tied to our individual values, goals, and circumstances. By fixating on other people’s lives and achievements, we forfeit our own happiness, feeling that we aren’t measuring up to those same (often unrealistic) standards.

The social comparison theory introduced by Leon Festinger suggests that people have an innate drive to evaluate themselves, often using others as a benchmark.

The psychological effects of constant comparison are profound. It can lead to decreased self-esteem, increased anxiety, and a pervasive sense of inadequacy.

Filtered Realities: The Hidden Cost of Social Media Comparison

Social media acts as a double-edged sword, providing both connection and a platform for relentless comparison. The disparity between real life and the curated personas presented online widens the gap between perception and reality, often leaving us feeling like we are falling short.

Most of us who actively use social media are guilty to some degree of sharing the filtered version of our real lives – an edited photograph or sharing only the joyful moments of parenting rather than the deeply challenging ones. We share beautiful sunsets while we travel, rather than the long airport waits.

Even knowing this, it’s hard not to feel that prickle of envy seeping in when we see Instagram photos of Pinterest-worthy homes, happy family photos and glamorous selfies.

Don’t Compare Your Beginning To Someone Else’s Middle

woman at gym looking at fit woman with envy.

At the risk of sounding like a collection of clique quotes, this is another impactful one to keep in mind. So often we see someone else doing amazing things and feel jealous that we aren’t at that same point in our own lives.

We punish ourselves with negative self-talk, asking why we aren’t that fit or earning that much money at work.

But do we really know the full story? Often, we don’t!

It’s like comparing your baking skills to your friend who’s a professional chef. That’s not a realistic way to evaluate our own skill level. Of course, we will fall short in these situations.

We often compare ourselves to highly visible people, such as the ‘social butterflies’ in our circles, or those prominent public figures, instead of to people who we can more realistically strive to be like.

Is Comparison Always A Bad Thing?

Not all comparison is inherently bad. In fact, when approached in a healthy and constructive manner, comparison can serve as a powerful tool for motivation, growth, and self-improvement. Here’s how comparison can be beneficial:

Motivation and Inspiration – Seeing someone achieve a goal you aspire to can be incredibly motivating. It can push you to pursue your own goals with renewed vigor and determination. Witnessing the achievements of others can inspire you to strive for similar success, acting as a catalyst for personal and professional growth. If they can, why can’t I?
Benchmarking and Goal Setting – Comparison can provide valuable benchmarks for setting realistic and achievable goals. By understanding the achievements and standards others have set, you can better gauge your progress and set clear objectives for yourself. This type of comparison can be particularly useful in professional settings, where understanding industry standards and best practices is crucial.
Learning and Growth – Observing others can be a learning opportunity, allowing you to gain insights into effective strategies, behaviours, and habits that contribute to success. It can open your eyes to different approaches and techniques you hadn’t considered, fostering personal development and skill enhancement. Right at it’s most basic foundation, kids learn through observation. We can too.
Self-Reflection and Awareness – Constructive comparison can prompt self-reflection, encouraging you to evaluate your strengths, weaknesses, aspirations, and progress. This self-awareness is fundamental to personal growth, helping you understand where you are in your journey and what steps you need to take to move forward.
Strengthening Relationships – In some cases, comparison can strengthen relationships through mutual admiration and support. Sharing goals and achievements with friends, family, or colleagues can lead to a supportive environment where everyone is encouraged to do their best. Celebrating each other’s successes can foster a sense of community and collective progress. This is accountability at its best!

Strategies to Escape the Comparison Cycle

We’ve established that comparison can be a positive, if it’s healthy comparison and not the kind that leaves us feeling inadequate. Here are some ways to make sure you’re breaking out of the negative comparison cycle:

1. Start With Self-Awareness

Identify your own comparison habits. Is comparison sucking the joy out of just one area of your life or many? Start by pinpointing the most obvious sources of comparison. Awareness is your best tool in breaking any negative cycle.

2. Shift Your Mindset From Scarcity To Abundance

Believing in abundance over scarcity is a transformative mindset shift that can impact all aspects of your life, from personal growth and relationships to professional success and overall happiness. This perspective encourages you to focus on the possibilities and opportunities that life offers, rather than fixating on limitations and what is lacking.

For example, instead of being resentful that someone else has the career you’ve always dreamt of, realise that there is enough room for everyone to enjoy the same level of success. The world is wide and possibilities are endless!

3. Practice Gratitude

Acknowledging the positives in your life shifts focus from what’s missing to what’s present. Starting a gratitude journal can be a tangible way to foster a grateful mindset.

4. Limit Exposure to Triggers

Moderate your social media consumption or tailor your feeds to minimise exposure to comparison-inducing content. This can help reduce feelings of inadequacy. There’s no need to torture yourself with anything that leaves you feeling ick.

Instead, seek out content that inspires, educates, or uplifts you. This same approach can be applied to people, places and other types of media. While you can’t ‘unfollow’ that annoyingly ‘perfect’ coworker, we can minimise our interactions.

5. Celebrate Others’ Success

Transform envy into inspiration by genuinely supporting and celebrating others’ achievements. This shift in perspective can lead to a more positive and less comparative outlook. This again comes back to choosing an abundant mindset. There is room for all of us to succeed!

5. Set Personal Goals

The only person you should be comparing yourself is yourself. You are the only true marker in your life since no other person is uniquely you!

Focus on your aspirations and progress towards them at your own pace. Success is subjective, define it on your terms, independent of the paths of others.

6. Engage In Real Connections

Seek genuine relationships and engage in meaningful conversations that go beyond superficial achievements or material possessions. Connecting with others on a deeper level can help break away the false perception of perfection often portrayed in social media, revealing shared struggles and authentic experiences.

You might discover that the ‘snobby’ woman at the gym with the ‘goal body’ is actually really shy and was too nervous to say hello all this time, but it turns out you have so much in common and your gym sessions just got more fun!

You never know if you don’t put yourself out there.

7. Seek Inspiration, Not Validation

Be inspired by others without tying your self-worth to surpassing or matching their achievements. Be aware of your own need for validation from others.

Next time you are wishing you had hair as shiny as Sandra’s or a house as big as Joanna’s, remember that comparison is the thief of joy and that you’re not letting it steal your joy anymore! For every moment you’ve wished something was different in your life, someone else has wished something in their life was more like yours.

By adopting a more compassionate and understanding view of ourselves, we can cherish our individuality and the diverse paths we all walk. Remember, the only comparison worth making is to who you were yesterday.

This Is Your Call to Action

Challenge yourself to take a step towards breaking free from the comparison trap. Whether it’s through initiating a digital detox, starting a daily gratitude practice, or setting personal goals that align with your true self, the time to start cultivating joy in your own life is now.

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